Connecting with Your Adolescent is Easier than You Think

When I think about parent and adolescent relationships, I picture a Western movie standoff where both individuals are waiting for the other to budge; The parent wants to step in and help, but would prefer for the adolescent to willingly ask for assistance. Simultaneously, the adolescent is committed to resolving their own problems, but internally acknowledges that they might need some outside support to reach their goals. Consequently, someone must cave and make the first move. *Cue The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly soundtrack*

Parent and Teen Viewpoints

As an experienced relationship counselor, I empathize with both the parent’s and adolescent’s perspectives. I sincerely commend parents for their patience and dedication towards raising their adolescents as they attempt to navigate society and progressively enter into adulthood. Every day parents wrestle between either imparting their wisdom onto their children or allowing them to make their own choices in the hopes that their adolescents will progressively learn how to independently thrive. In much the same way, adolescents want to self-actualize and come into their own, but are unsure of when it is appropriate to rely on their caregivers. Both parents and adolescents genuinely want to do the right thing, but each question what is the most effective approach to take.

The Prisoner’s Dilemma

Tension within parent/adolescent relationships mirrors the scientific scenario known as the “prisoner’s dilemma” (Bravetti & Padilla, 2018). In this thought experiment, two individuals must decide between either individual personal gain or combined teamwork (Mérő, 2011). Should one individual prioritize their needs above their companion’s, their partner will be severely punished while they will receive a moderate prize. However, if both people willingly agree to work together for the benefit of their relationship, then they will collectively achieve a far greater reward.

Thus, both the parent and the adolescent must each come to the realization that cultivating their relationship dynamic will be to the betterment of their individual goals as well as their internal family system. The relationship therapy I provide teaches parents and adolescents how to set aside their personal needs and come together to help both individuals find internal fulfillment and foster a stronger emotional connection with one another. This therapeutic process starts with the professional counselor helping the parent and adolescent understand each person’s unique needs and their contribution to the family system.

Parent and Adolescent Family Therapy

The first couple of therapy sessions with parent and adolescent clients are rough. Adolescents are naturally reluctant to ask for help, but are forced to engage in professional counseling against their will. I distinctly remember sessions where adolescent clients intensely stare at me with resounding bitterness and resentment, as if I were Satan reborn. I imagine it is not easy for an adolescent client to be reminded that they are still obligated to follow their parents’ rules, despite being just shy of a few years from being on their own. On the opposite end of the spectrum, parents are highly motivated to acquire and implement the psychoeducational skills learned during the therapeutic process into their internal family unit in order to restore peace within the household. They want and expect the trained professional to tell them how to effectively guide their child. Fortunately, the solution for fostering parent and adolescent relationships is far more straightforward than one might anticipate.

Professional Counseling Sessions with Teens

The trick is to combine professional psychology techniques and skillsets with adolescents’ unique interests and personal experiences while simultaneously encouraging parents to gently step outside of their comfort zones. Commanding an adolescent client to talk about their problems will not work because forcing them to comply robs them of their own volition. They must want to engage in the therapeutic process.

As a licensed professional counselor, I know how to weave in humanistic counseling techniques into conversations revolving around adolescents’ hobbies and passions. Your adolescent likes Captain America? Great! Let’s talk about how Captain America’s story of self-actualization and finding his way in the world relates to their high school relationship dynamics. Your adolescent really enjoys playing Overcooked! with your best friends? What if I were to teach you and your child how to combine Overcooked! with essential counseling skills of immediacy, mindfulness, and reflections of meaning in order to progressively strengthen your rapport with one another?

How Relationship Professional Therapy Can Help

These techniques are not hard to implement. Both parents and adolescents possess the capability to learn and perfect them. They simply require professional guidance and practice. As the parent, you already have a deep, meaningful relationship with your adolescent. You know your child better than anyone. In much the same way, your adolescent already has the drive and motivation to succeed. However, you currently lack the academic knowledge and psychoeducational resources to both improve your relationship and ensure your adolescent’s lifespan development is on the right track.

I can show both you and your adolescent how to strengthen your dynamic with one another in a manner that will be mutually beneficial for the entire family system. I can teach you how to create an uplifting, meaningful, and fulfilling emotional connection.

It only requires motivation, flexibility, and genuine curiosity.

Click on the link below to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see if I can help you and your adolescent foster your relationship with one another.

References

Bravetti, A., & Padilla, P. (2018). An optimal strategy to solve the prisoner's dilemma. Scientific Reports, 8(1). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-018-20426-w

Mérő, L. (2011). The prisoner's dilemma. In Moral calculations (pp. 28–47). Springer New York. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4612-1654-4_3