Grief Counseling

There’s a really interesting Marvel TV series on Disney+ titled, “What If…?” Each episode examines how various characters and significant events in the Marvel Cinematic Universe would change if specific circumstances had occurred differently; What if Dr. Strange lost Dr. Christine Palmer? What if T’Challa became Star-Lord? You get the idea. One slight shift dramatically changes the outcome: The butterfly effect. Who hasn’t thought of their own What If moment? What if I had asked that girl to prom? What if I had chosen to accept that job offer? What if I hadn’t prematurely decided to break up with my ex?

We are all haunted by the possibilities of what might have been. In this article, I will tell you all you need to know about how to deal with despair.

What Does Despair Mean?

While despair is not often regarded as a stand-alone condition, it is nevertheless a factor in many other conditions that require intervention. Despair often manifests itself through feelings of intense hopelessness and helplessness. People struggling with despair will often feel that they are not in control of their lives and are being tossed about in the waves of life’s tumultuous events. As far as the victim is concerned, the future holds nothing but a perpetual series of bad things. Because of these intense feelings of loss and isolation, people struggling with despair will often lose focus and concentration in their everyday activities. This in turn will further compound the feelings of grief and despair. In many ways, this vicious circle traps the victim in an endless loop of suffering. If these feelings linger long enough, an individual may lose hope and begin to consider giving up and potential suicidality.

The Story We Tell Ourselves

So, what do we do when we are confronted with the realization that the future, we envisioned for ourselves may not or cannot come to pass? How do we process the despair and devastation we feel whenever we are reminded of what could have been, but may never be? Sometimes to move forward, we must look back and reflect upon our narrative.

Take for instance the loss of a loved one, or the ending of a romantic relationship. As your therapist, I want to better understand the significance that person had in your life. Where were you when you met them? What was your life like back then? How were they a positive influence on you? What ultimately led to the breakup or loss? What do you miss most about them?

Reflecting on these questions can help us both acknowledge why that person meant so much to you and will help clarify what you miss the most about them. Together, we will honor the special place those cherished memories will always have in your heart. And, most importantly, we will discover your personal narrative about that relationship.

Writing Your Personal Narrative

It is impossible to be numb from the pain of losing a loved one. The most important people in our lives always stay with us, regardless of how things end. I have no intention of pressuring you to “let go” and “move on” from that person. To do so would be incredibly hurtful and disrespectful to you and your grieving process.

But when we are discussing how to deal with despair, I would like for us to consider an alternative message buried under the hurt and pain. I want us to explore the potential of shifting your story about grief and loss into a new personal narrative of love persevering: Love for your partner who is no longer with you. Love for your family, who has stood by you during this incredibly difficult time in your life. Love for yourself in choosing to be emotionally vulnerable and share your authentic thoughts with your friends, family, and me.

The Potential of What Could Be

At Coltharp Counseling, I want to provide you with a safe, welcoming space to help you craft a positive personal narrative. My professional training and expertise can provide you with the tools and resources to help you rediscover yourself. I can help you feel whole again. I can teach you how to honor your past and help you feel hopeful about your future once more.

It often comes as a relief to people struggling with despair that they can get out of this dark circle. Therapy does this in several ways. First, you get to understand the underlying causes of your despair. By understanding these causes, one can work them out which often helps to reduce their impact on their lives. Secondly, therapy will give you the tools that you need to manage the symptoms, ensuring that you are better equipped to handle these negative emotions when the future appears to have gone awry.

Schedule a 15-minute consultation to see if I’m the right therapist for you.