How to Achieve Success in Therapy

The greatest joy in my counseling career is helping people recover and advance beyond the most challenging and overwhelming times in their lives. The therapeutic process is a unique and profound experience that cannot be replicated within any other relationship. Throughout the years I have seen many clients build and foster the types of relationships they have always wanted, but were never able to achieve prior to beginning their counseling journey. I would like to take a moment to share with you the common themes I have noticed that have helped clients achieve success in their personal aspirations via engaging in the therapeutic process.

Choosing the Right Therapist for You

The number one priority when starting therapy is finding a counselor/psychologist/therapist that personally resonates with you. There is a plethora of mental health professionals who offer a myriad of therapeutic approaches and specialties; Some therapists work with clients within specific age ranges or struggling with certain symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Or maybe you are wanting a therapist who can offer emotional support for navigating relationships and building lasting love. An effective method in determining if a therapist is right for you is reading their personal bio and reflecting upon if their story resonates with you. Finding a therapist who you feel understands your perspective and gets what you are going through will help ensure that you are not alone on your journey of growth and self-discovery.

Having Lofty Goals

The vast majority of clients begin therapy because they feel overwhelmed and powerless to change their present circumstances. Perhaps you recently experienced a breakup or lost a job. Maybe you are at your wit’s end for how to help your adolescent. You just lost a big promotion or your partner cheated on you.

And you just want a break from everything you are experiencing right now.

I get it. I have been there before. My immediate goal at the beginning stages of therapy is to help you find relief, reorient yourself, and get you back on your feet. But beyond that, I hope that you come into therapy with lofty goals for yourself and your future.  

Allow me give you an example of what I am talking about. Let’s say that you want to start therapy because you recently experienced a breakup and you are feeling incredibly discouraged and burnt out. Your immediate goal may be to lessen your anxiety and frustration towards your ex and by extension yourself. But if you were to take a step back and re-examine the situation, you might consider that a bigger goal is to figure out how to improve your chances of finding a better partner, one who will respect your needs and perspective. And if you were to take an even further step back, you may decide that your real goal is to discover how to feel confident in yourself and how to go about creating meaningful, lasting relationships. Keeping perspective and understanding the bigger goals will help ensure that you look beyond the trees to see the entire forest.   

Understanding the Phases of Therapy

I firmly believe that all therapists have a duty to be upfront and honest with clients about how therapy begins, progresses, and ends. Years of honing my craft in helping clients reach their goals have informed me that there are three distinct phases that occur in therapy: (1) Addressing the immediate crisis (2) Problem-solving daily stressors (3) Changing life perspectives.

Phase 1, addressing the immediate crisis, will usually take a month or two to resolve. During this phase clients feel overwhelmed, confused, and lost. My primary goal during this time is to help clients stabilize and re-ground themselves. By the end of this phase clients will most likely feel more or less back to where they were before the crisis occurred.

In Phase 2 clients are able to return to their daily routine but still feel dissatisfied with their lives. A good example of this time period is someone who hates their job, but pushes through because they know they need the paycheck to meet their daily needs. This phase is marked by clients and therapists collaborating to create viable solutions to help the client solve their current problems. Phase 2 is an iterative process that requires some trial and error. You will have a much easier time progressing through this phase if you learn to accept and embrace this process of discovery, implementation, and refinement.

The final phase is both the most challenging and rewarding time in therapy. This is when the dialogue between the counselor and client transitions away from solely examining the immediate problems of the week and instead becomes more about changing perspective. Whereas Phase 2 is defined by addressing daily stressors, Phase 3 is primarily about discovering how to approach relationships with others as well as with oneself. During this stage we will talk about the big life questions such as how to reorient your personal story from one of devastation and loss to one of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment. My goal for all my clients is to help them reach a point where they feel comfortable, confident, and capable in addressing conflicts in relationships and within themselves, regardless of whatever situation may arise.

Respecting the Therapeutic Structure

All my clients will attest that I have high standards and follow a predictable structure. Therapists abide by a specific routine for two primary reasons: (1) The therapeutic structure helps clients feel secure in knowing what to anticipate throughout the counseling process (2) Maintaining a predictable schedule is crucial to helping clients progressively advance towards their goals.

Think of the therapeutic structure like a workout routine; To get a nice body, you have to exercise and eat healthy meals on a consistent basis. If you don’t follow a routine, you won’t see the changes that you are looking for in your physical appearance. In much the same way, therapy only works if there is gradual and progressive growth. My clients respect the structure of therapy because they know that showing up to their appointments every week, engaging in the therapeutic process, and reflecting upon what we talk about between sessions pays dividends in the long-run to their overall happiness.

Asking for What You Need

As I stated earlier, the therapeutic process is a collaborative, respectful working alliance between the counselor and the client. I sincerely believe that therapy is only effective when the counselor demonstrates how to have an authentic relationship with the client, and encourages them to reciprocate. There may be times when a therapist can be a bit blunt and a little harsh in telling clients the truth. But a genuine professional counselor will also own up and apologize when they make a mistake. Ideally, the client will eventually reach a point where they feel comfortable sharing their honest perspective with their therapist. I can personally attest that some of the best counseling sessions I have ever experienced were when clients told me what they were genuinely feeling, even if they were afraid that what they had to say might upset me.

It is okay to ask for what you need. The right therapist will want to hear your perspective.

Final Thoughts

I understand that therapy probably was not your first choice in deciding how to resolve your current struggles. When I started my own therapeutic journey years ago, I was incredibly embarrassed and ashamed in asking for help.

But if you approach the counseling process from the right mindset, if you can maintain a sense of curiosity, patience, and understanding, you might gain something you were not expecting; You might develop a new and uplifting outlook on life. You might find happiness.

This unique, confounding, profound experience may be the exact tool you have been needing all along to reach your full potential.

Click on the link below to begin your personal journey on the right foot.