Celebrate Your Wins
I have been counseling clients for a while, and one conversation that inevitably occurs somewhere in the therapeutic process is the client’s dissatisfaction with where they are at in reaching their goals. Maybe they were hoping they would have a boyfriend by now. Or perhaps they anticipated landing their dream job before starting a family. It’s so frustrating when things don’t move at the pace we want them to in our lives. And I get it. Believe me, I have been there before. I myself always envisioned that I would be married by the time I turned 30, and when it didn’t happen, I was absolutely devastated. What ultimately helped me get out of my slump was me becoming more aware of how much I had personally grown over time, and how much closer I was to accomplishing my goals compared to when I first set out on my journey. And I want to offer you the same insight that I experienced. I want to help you see how far you have come, and how much you have achieved in your life.
Measuring Progress
My clients are very methodical individuals. They like seeing how A causes B. And understandably so. We all want to see how our actions to impact our social environments. Therapy should (and often does) result in us having better relationships with our romantic partners, friends, family members, and with ourselves. But sometimes growth starts inwards before expanding to our external world. If your mentality is, “therapy is only worth it if ______ occurs in _______ relationship”, then I worry how disappointed you might be throughout the entire therapeutic process.
Yes. Your goals will always remain the crux of our therapeutic sessions. You want a romantic relationship? Well, you are in luck because I’m a PhD counseling student with a specialty in helping people find lasting love. Are you yearning for a better paternal relationship with your son? Not to worry. I will teach you all of the psychoeducational knowledge that I know in order to help you increase the chances of making it a reality. But this isn’t a binary situation where one day you are miserable and then the next day after therapy everything is perfect. It takes time to create the life you have always envisioned for yourself. As it should be. We are progressively adding new skillsets to your repertoire, heightening your emotional awareness, and increasing your self-perception in order to help you build the life that you have always envisioned for yourself.
Remembering Your Baseline
Let’s try something. I want you to take out a sheet of paper and write down everything in your life that is not going well. Where are you at in your love life? How is your career going? What is your relationship like with your family? What emotions come up for you as you reflect upon these things? Write as much as you can. Don’t second-guess yourself. This is where you are at right now. This is your baseline.
Throughout the therapeutic process, I want you to routinely return to your list and think about what has changed since you started therapy. For instance, perhaps your main goal is to find your perfect partner. Maybe even the thought of opening a dating app is overwhelming. But through our therapeutic work together, that dating app that seemed incredibly intimidating a few months ago may start to feel like a fun avenue to meet new people and go on dates. Your baseline will change throughout our therapy sessions as you progressively grow into the person that you were always meant to be.
Therapy Works
There will be days when everything is incredibly frustrating. You might wake up one morning and think, “Is there anyone out there for me? Will I ever find the relationships that I want?” But every time that you step outside of your comfort zone, challenge yourself, and put your best foot forward, you are investing in your own personal development. You are making progress towards your goals, even if it might be difficult to quantify. Therapy is an emotional journey. And I wonder what will happen to all of those internal fears and doubts if you were to take a moment to reflect upon our work together, and really think about how much you have grown as a person since you started your therapeutic journey.
I am always so excited when I see my clients progressively transition away from feeling lost, hopeless, and insignificant, and advance towards feeling more capable and confident in their abilities to succeed. Therapy works. I can attest to that from both a personal and professional perspective. And I cannot wait to help you come into your own. I look forward to us celebrating your future wins.
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